Peer Response 4
1. Read the draft through once quickly and point out any of the major requirements listed here that the paper doesn't appear to meet:
- Intro ends in a thesis statement (answering the question of which sex suffers more from stereotypes or cultural expectations).
- At least two paragraphs for each sex in the body of the essay.
- Supporting quotations in each body paragraph.
- Argument explaining ultimately why one sex suffers more than the other.
2. Evaluate the introduction and make suggestions for improvement. Consider:
3. Identify the topic sentence of each body ¶ (copying and pasting is fine). If there is no obvious topic sentence in any body ¶, suggest one. Make suggestions for improving existing topic sentences—note that each topic sentence should answer the implied topic question squarely and directly. Also underline and evaluate any restatement of the thesis in the conclusion.¶ development. Make specific suggestions for more effective setting up of the topic in thorough and engaging fashion. If the introduction lists all the major points from the body of the paper before delivering the thesis, point this out and suggest alternatives. Note that the introduction should be neutral up until the thesis statement, just as the previous papers' introductions have been. Consider whether the ¶ flows smoothly into the thesis statement at the end of the ¶ and make specific suggestions for improving the flow into the thesis. 4. Point out any places where the author discusses one sex or the other suffering that doesn't necessarily involve stereotypes or cultural expectations.
5. Evaluate the author's structuring of main points in body ¶'s: if the author discusses more than a single stereotype in any body ¶, consider whether the tactic is effective. If you think the author would do well to reorganize any body ¶'s, say so and explain why.
6. Point out weaknesses in the opposing viewpoint—consider especially whether the author treats the opposing view fairly and thoroughly enough. Suggest specific improvements in explaining how each stereotype or cultural expectation causes suffering for the gender in question. Also consider whether the author qualifies the opposing views with expressions such as "Many believe," "Some think," etc. as explained on the persuasive format page.
7. Of the two or three main points on the author's side of the argument, which is least strong? And why? Make specific suggestions in how to improve this weakest of the author's primary points.
8. Make suggestions for making the stronger of the author's main points even stronger.
9. Point out ¶'s that seem too brief or undeveloped (including the conclusion). Make specific suggestions for improving underdeveloped ¶'s—that is, explain precisely how these ¶'s might be developed more effectively.
10. Point out any "busy" or overly long ¶'s that make more than one major point—indicate where the author should break these ¶'s into smaller units.
11. Suggest improvements in the author's use of quotations. Too many quotes? Too few? Does the author meet the requirements for quotations from four separate class readings and quotations from two separate secondary sources gotten from research (GALILEO)? Suggest specific articles the author might quote to illustrate the paper's primary assertions more effectively. Suggest improvements in the introduction of quotes (Nugget 3).
12. Indicate any words that strike you as awkward; indicate any words you think the author may be using incorrectly.
13. Grammar and mechanics—especially "simple stuff," golden rules and nuggets, and quotes and documentation.